I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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