I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize