I'm really into asian looking animals
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
