why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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