we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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