If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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