last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Girls should come with a carfax report
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
