can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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