There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
