I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I love having hate sex.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We were destined to go to rehab together
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
