He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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