You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
