She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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