I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
