I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
