You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize