tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Be still, my beating vagina.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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