My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
