the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
