I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
