so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
