I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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