I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
