He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The best revenge is premature balding
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
