I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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