it hurts more in the daytime
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
