I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
