You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
