I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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