Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i already hear my dad disowning me
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
