I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
