Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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