I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
