he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
