Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
