Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
