ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
