So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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