Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
