I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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