She is in my trunk
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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