you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
