i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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