Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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