if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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