She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
