The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
