So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
