I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
