I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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