I need help removing her.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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