he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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