I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
