My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize