If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
