Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
