I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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