nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
