idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
