i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
