How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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