After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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