If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
