I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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