i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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