So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
