Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
FUCK WHALES
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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