He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
