Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
