Its about making memories worth repressing
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize