I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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