Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
