You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
