I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
