please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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