She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
