i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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