After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I fill condoms, not promises.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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