hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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