White coat. Heels.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
