i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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