what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
