Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
