soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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