his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize