Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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