Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
