If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
