You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
