If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
