I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
