The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
They have beer where we have blood.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
