I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
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