We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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