How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i think my cat just said my name.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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