Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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