Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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