My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
