we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
