Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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