my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
